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Sex, Marriage, and Fairytales

(March 11, 2013)

So on Facebook someone asks me if I've seen a video that was posted and, if so, what I thought of it. Well, 650 words later, they knew.

It was in a private group I posted my opinion so I thought I'd share it for the whole world here. My thoughts and the video are mutually exclusive of each other but the spoken word video is what inspired my fingers to start typing so watch and read ...


(If video does not start click here to view it.)

I feel like marriage was not necessarily meant to make us happy, but to bring us closer to Him. I know that sucks as a theory but the state of marriage is one that requires more virtue and constancy than anything else in life. In our current culture, we are bombarded by images of romance as if romance alone can sustain relationships. But the idea that marriage can survive on romance alone,

or that romantic feelings are more important than any other consideration when choosing (or keeping) a mate is often the root of many a marital failure. Romantic love has no elasticity to it. It can never be stretched; it simply shatters.

Again, marriage, in my opinion, is about becoming closer to God - not each other. We want to get the largest portion of our life's fulfillment from our significant other. That's asking for God in a man/woman. It's asking too much. We must be fulfilled by Him so that we may better fulfill each other. So many of us are searching for the spectacular, while giving up the supernatural -- making temporarily satisfying decisions and giving up our eternal positions. We must remind ourselves of the ridiculousness of looking for something from other people that we can only find in God. I feel like if we do this, the trials and tribulations of life that affect our marriage are put in a different perspective -- in one that reminds us that we should turn to Him.

Also, I think we live in a world that has us obsessed with respect -- in being respected and sometimes we forget our obligation to respect others. In Christian marriage, we shouldn't focus on getting respect; we are called to GIVE respect. We are called to honor a person when we know, all to well, their character flaws. Giving respect is an obligation, not a favor ... it is birthed in a deep and profound understanding of God's grace. He did not have to hang crucified for us -- for sinners, for the unworthy; yet He did.

It is for this reason, we must have contempt for contempt. And contempt is conceived with expectations whereas respect is born in gratitude. When we learn that the only thing our spouses owe us is fidelity, honor, and biblical obedience and realize that anything else is given out of grace, we leave the realm of expectation and live in the world of gratitude. My husband is not obligated to take out the trash or do the dishes. But he does. And for that, I am grateful. When I begin to look at him as someone who is required to do these things, and he doesn't, I will feel contempt. But if I take everything he does as an act of grace and respect that he does those things, I live in constant gratitude.

We are all married to fallen people in a broken world, to a sinful person in a sinful world but next to Godliness is NOT cleanliness (like Tionne will tell you), but Godliness is SELFLESSNESS. And marriage is about bringing us closer to Godliness by teaching us how to be more selfless. When a man and a woman marry, they are giving up their individual selves to start viewing themselves as a unit.

So many of us are missing out today because we're caught up in a search for significance but significance is not found in trying to find personal happiness but in giving yourself away. To be a Christian is to be a servant. We are called to serve. In a Christian marriage, that means we have a reciprocal willingness to assume responsibility and to serve and respect each other. When we get married, we almost always base our decision on who to marry on what we think the other person can bring to us and the marriage, however once we're married, we realize that it is about more. It is about what WE bring to our spouse and to God.

Great information. Thanks very much.

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