"Men Are Dogs" & Other Lessons from the Greyhound Bus

(30 May 2007) -- In my "You Are Not Ready" blog, I mentioned that I would be travelling by Greyhound bus to and from Atlanta.  It was my first time ever travelling this way but with gas prices so high ($3.20 the day I left) and a last minute plane ticket being unreasonable ($300 plus), I figured that I would just take the bus -- it would be an adventure.

Boy, was it!

Now, most people who know me know that I treat everything in life as an adventure, especially new experiences.  I feel that what you get from a situation is largely dependent upon what you put into it.  So, of course I was told what a horrible experience it would be and given advice to talk to myself and rock back and forth to keep the crazies away but I still went into it thinking that I would have a ball.

In fact, I remember telling someone that I planned on talking to everyone on the bus and learning from their experience and of course I'd tell them about what a great writer I was and what great musicians I knew.  Well, on my way there, I didn't get a chance to talk to everyone because I kind of got spooked by the driver's ability to maneuver the bus.

However, once I got comfortable and realized that my life (as it always is) was really in God's hands regardless of how much worrying I did about the driver's driving, I was able to relax and get to know the people around me and from them I was able to learn a lot about myself and that is what this blog is about -- the things I have learned and experienced and the things that other people have learned and experienced and shared with me ...

1)  Travel.  This is more about not having regrets than about travelling.  Perhaps I should have called it, "Follow your dream or have no regrets."

The first gentleman I spoke to told me that he was going from New York to somewhere in GA to see his son graduate and it was his first time ever outside the city of New York.  I was flabbergasted.  I can't even imagine what it'd be like to not travel.  One of my goals in life is to fly into or out of every international airport in the United States and with a the first quarter-century of my life out of the way, I have crossed off just about a quarter of the airports I need and I told the man I was sitting next to that information and he started crying.

Literally.

I didn't know what to do at first but apologize because I just knew it had to have been something I said but then he spoke up and told me that his biggest dream as a child was to see the world.  This quickly became his biggest regret in life as time went on because he never even got a chance to see outside his city.  He continued on to tell me that he was proud of me and that one should always follow one's dream.  ALWAYS.  No matter what the cost, you should never stop chasing your dream because the worst thing in life is to live with regrets.

2)  It's never too late.  As my conversation with this man continued further, we discussed other things and whatnot but most importantly, we discussed that while he may have his regrets now, he wasn't too old to see the world.  He would NEVER be too old to see the world.  There was still time to follow his childhood dream if he just made provisions for it and did not let the stress of life keep him from achieving what he wanted.

This is true of everything ... not just travel.  If you dropped out of school because you had kids, and you WANT to finish, it is NOT too late to go back.  Quit making excuses for why you can't because there is no good reason (in my mind) for the word "can't" to even exist when it comes to accomplishing things.  Simple as that.  Always wanted to learn the guitar?  Do it.  Want to cook like a pro?  Take a cooking class or find a friend that burns something fierce and have them teach you.

YOU are the only person that can stop YOURSELF.

3)  Be happy.  It really is just that simple to me.  If you love to write, surround yourself with other people who love it as well.  If music is your passion, find people who share that love.  Do not keep people around you who do not support the things that make you happy.  I learned this one from talking to a woman who was reading a book.  I happened to have asked her what she was reading and we talked about that.  Eventually, she disclosed to me that her husband thought that reading was a waste of time and that she often had to read away from the house and this made her unhappy.

Now, in a situation like hers, I can understand that she can't just very well cut her husband out of her life because they have a shared history together but for the most part, having shared interests is key to being happy.  If a person is not supportive of you or your dreams, goals, aspiration, lifestyle, etc. -- CUT THEM OFF.  A person who continually makes you sad does not need to be in your life -- they are NOT contributing to your happiness.  They never have.  They never will.

3)  Don't accept from your significant other what you wouldn't accept for your friends.  I learned this lesson as I was writing my "Cutting off the Ex" blog but I was reminded of it as I was sitting on the bus being nosy.

No, seriously, this girl's phone conversation was so loud that I couldn't help but to hear what she was saying.  Granted, I could only hear her side of the conversation but it was enough for me to determine that she was talking to her significant other and he was apparently not returning her phone calls like he said he would.

Eventually, she got off the phone with him and when it came time to make yet another stop to drop off and pick people up, people had to shift seats and whatnot.  She decided to come sit next to me and one of the first things she says to me is, "Men are dogs."

I just kinda grinned a little.  She took this as a signal to tell me more.  At one point, I stopped her and asked something like, "If one of your girlfriends or just a casual male friend never called when they said they would or was never around when you needed to talk, how long would they remain your friend?"

She looked at me dumbfounded and said, "Not long."

I asked her, "So why do you tolerate from a person who is supposed to be closer to you than a friend while still being your friend what you would not tolerate from 'just' a friend?"

She didn't know the answer to that.  So I basically summed it up as, "Don't make exceptions in your standard of treatment for anyone."  I mean it's kind of like when I say to people, "I don't even let my mother speak to me that way -- you think I'm going to let you?"

When you allow a certain person to treat you with less respect than you would typically demand on a regular basis, you are allowing YOURSELF to be disrespected. 

Okay ... with those three, I'm going to close out this blog for now because that's quite a lot to read.  I have learned or had reinforced to me a lot of things about myself and about life while on the bus and perhaps there will be a part two to this blog but for now, maybe you all want to share some things about life that you have learned -- on the bus or not.

But some other things (in brief) that I have learned:

-  You cannot make someone want to be with you.  They either do or don't.
-  Trying to change a person is never a good idea.  Love them as is or not at all.
-  Patience is definitely a virtue.
-  Lies always come to the light.
-  Deception is not the way to get a person (back) or to keep them.
-  Doing the right thing always makes you feel better.
-  Education is of utmost important.
-  No matter how well-meaning others are, only you can determine what's best for you.
-  Contracts that you willingly sign shouldn't be complained about.
-  Saying "should've," "could've,"  or "would've" doesn't get change anything.
-  Cheaters never prosper ... in the long run.
-  You should always cut off one before moving on to the next.  i.e. Tie up loose ends.
-  Closure does NOT require two people -- you can achieve it by yourself.
-  ... and so much more!

-Kornika